Snowed In

It is quiet here at 5:15 am.  Outside, a chilly -12 degrees Fahrenheit, and there are 4-5 foot drifts in the driveway.  Yes, we are snowed in.  How glorious.  It has been a long time since that happened.  What fond childhood memories this stirs.  I recall blizzards and white outs that prevented us from seeing the red barn that sat not more than 70 feet from the house.  I envision those five foot drifts and piles of snow that reached above the roof line.  Snowball fights, snowmobiling, hot tea and hot chocolate, the fireplace by which to warm ourselves when we came in from the cold.  Family.  Home.  Feeling safe and happy in our home.  Great joy.

My brother and sister wish we had this weather when we were home for Christmas.  Normally, I would not be here to experience this.  However, I am still recovering from a brain injury that occurred nearly two years ago.  I am mostly fine, but there remain a few glitches that prevent me from working or being able to live life on my own.  And at this moment I am thankful, thankful to be here, soaking in the quiet, the glistening landscape, the crispness of the night sky that only happens at arctic temperatures.  Ah, I feel like a child.  In fact during the snowstorm, I donned my snowmobile suit and stepped into the driving snow and wind to capture the glorious vistas before me, make a snow angel, and take a selfie while lying in the snow before returning to the warmth of the house.  Ah, the joys of a youthful spirit. 

Dad is gone to the North Woods, so it is quieter than usual.  Mom has not been able to go to work, and actually the bitter and very dangerous wind chills caused the schools, many businesses and churches to close the past two days.  The winds are to die down later today and the snowplowing will begin in earnest.  Within a day or two life will return to normal.  We journey through life with these little moments of pause and grandeur.  It can be so easy to resume life as we know it without fully grasping the gift we have been given.  We literally set aside the glory, joy, love, and fulfillment we have felt during these times.  I, however, don’t want to file these away for the history books.  I am not speaking of living in the past, but rather in the moment, i.e., actually living our lives in such a way that we experience breakthrough and the joy that comes from living in abandon toward God.  There is a reason that Scripture tells us that the joy of the Lord is our strength.  Joy is powerful, and I want to embrace the richness of each vignette, letting it envelop and become part of me.  I want to live my life going for the joy and delight of living in the abundance we are promised, and spreading it like my nieces spread peanut butter, getting it all over everything.  

I feel so blessed to have been given a rich life, one filled with intimacy with God, His Presence, family, friends, joy, opportunities to give to and serve others.  I feel so blessed that God loves me and shows up in more ways than I ever thought possible.  He loves me.  I am His favorite.  He is proud of me, even when I blow it, because I am His daughter.  He will give me the desires of my heart, and He will always be with me because love never fails.  And since God is love that means He never fails; He always succeeds.  So even when life is less than you might want or even worse than that, remember that God loves you and wants more for you than you can imagine.  (See Jeremiah 29:11-13, Isaiah 43:1-3, and the book of John.)  He will show up in brain injury, unemployment, heart attacks, abuse, and other situations horrific and bleak.  And I promise you that He will show up for you, often in ways that delight you and bring peace.  For me, in this moment, it is in five foot drifts of snow, starry nights, and solitude.  What is it for you?

I pray you are warm and feeling loved in this moment, feeling seen, and feeling that you are His favorite, too.  Bless you.

Until next time…

Isaiah 43:1-3a (NKJV):

But now, thus says the Lord, who created you, O Jacob,
And He who formed you, O Israel:
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by your name;
You are Mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned,
Nor shall the flame scorch you.
For I am the Lord your God,
The Holy One of Israel, your Savior.

I Matter to God

This makes me extremely sad—that I would think I do not matter to God after all He has done and continues to do for me.  How could I be so selfish and ungrateful?  How could I belittle His existence to increase my own worth—or perhaps it is the position I hold in my eyes that is the problem.

I know that life isn’t about me.  I know that God can carry out His plan without my participation.  But that’s just it:  I want to play a part.  I want to contribute a verse.  I’d like to contribute a chapter if He’ll let me.

Does anyone feel else feel the way I feel?  Or is it worse than that?  Does everyone feel this way?  Does everyone struggle with where they fit and how?  What is this life that the God of the universe should think of me?  Yet, He does.  Jeremiah 31:3 tells us that “He loves us with an everlasting love.”  That means something to me.  It means that He always considers me and always did from the moment of creation.

Think of it.  He considers me, which means He considers you.  Whether you are in the depths of the deepest bondage known to man or soaring like an eagle in the freedom only God can provide, He considers you.  You matter.  I matter.  He has a purpose and a plan for us (Jeremiah 29:11).  He hears us when we cry out to Him.  He hears us when we ache in utter silence.  He hears us.  And He intercedes on our behalf.  He wars for us.  He carries us.  He feeds and clothes us.  He gives us everything we need exactly when we need it, even if it isn’t exactly what we want.  He cares about everything—EVERYTHING.  Did I say everything?  I mean EVERYTHING!  He cares about what books we read, the clothes we wear, the foods we eat, the television we watch, the conversations we have, the people we marry, our childrearing techniques.  Friends, sporting events, parties, pastimes, future times, current times.  Are we present?  Are we in the moment?  Do we allow Him into those moments, those memories or opportunities?  Do we stop to listen to what He has to say?  He’s there.  He cares.  He wants to know us in the most intimate way.  He wants to interact with us as the Lover of our souls.  He wants to be our Deliverer, Comforter, Healer and Friend.  He wants to be our Everything.

Oswald Chambers said that “No love of the natural heart is safe unless the human heart is satisfied by God first.”  When we let Him into our hearts, He performs miracles.  As we let Him into the deepest recesses, He heals us.  He gives us a new heart, replacing our selfishness, bitterness, anger, hatred, rage, heartlessness, and pride with His Love.  And with His love comes His mercy and grace.  Then, there is hope and a deeper understanding (hopefully) that we are the object of His affection.  We are His greatest love, and He is ours whether we know it or not.

We have deep desires to be loved in complete and unconditional ways.  Only One can provide it as we need it, and that is Christ.  He placed in our hearts a yearning for eternity.  He created us to want Him, to need Him, and to never live apart from Him.  Yet in this fallen world that is exactly what we do (some “effectively,” some not so effectively).

We try to live life our way, at the helm, in control.  But our Maker did not design us to live like this.  He did not design us to be in the driver’s seat.  He designed us to participate in the plans He has for us that He might give us a life more abundant.

Even when we don’t want to live this way, it is fairly easy to get tired of waiting on God and jerk back the reins, only to our detriment.  How often does that happen?  For me personally, I have lost count.

Some of my deepest regrets are when I have rushed in without His permission.  The others are when I have stood in fear and insecurity and disobeyed His command to go.  Neither is amenable to what I, in my heart of hearts, want to do and that is follow Him in complete obedience.  His will, not mine.  At least that’s what I want to want.

The Lord has led me down a path of forgiveness and healing during the last four years that has catapulted me into a life of doing His will.  I don’t always get it right, and I admit that sometimes the last thing I want to do is converse with Him about one subject or another.  Sometimes I am tired of praying and want to just do it—whatever “it” is.  And then, after my departure and to my chagrin sometimes tantrum, He pulls me close to Him in His gentle, affirming way and I ask Him to help me try again.

The thing is I need Him—desperately.  I love my life—most of the time.  He has given me some really rewarding work to do.  I am thrilled He gives me the grace to do it.  But do you ever have a bad day?  I do.  And sometimes I don’t feel the grace I need to be effective for Him.  Sometimes I let it get the better of me—when I am tired or frustrated, otherwise known as easy prey for the enemy.  This does not give me an excuse to live in that lack of grace.  Instead, it is a call to His throne where I can rush before Him boldly in all confidence that He will hear me, and humbly in complete reverence  to Him, asking for the things I need: His strength, courage, grace, mercy, love, even a smile.  I can ask Him to fill me to overflowing with all that He is so that I am adequate and able to do all He calls me to do.  Most especially loving Him and those He places in my path.

Only when I remember that it is not about me and all about Him, only when I remember that He is the only One who can fill me, am I suddenly able to let go of all that weighs me down and be His representative where I am not concerned about getting the glory—instead where I am unabashedly able to give everything over to Him and shout from the rooftops “to God be the glory great things He hath done.”

The New Me

Sometimes you have to bury what’s dead in order for the new to come, for new dreams to arise, for a fresh breath to enter the lungs.  We must constantly die to ourselves.  It’s part of the Christian life.  But we must also let the past die a certain death so that we can move on and grab hold of the new, where we find the abundance God promises us. 

So much in my life has died.  So many dreams, so many things that I thought were part of my purpose, part of the plan the Lord had and has for me.  What do you do with what’s left?  What do you do when the traumas recur, when businesses fail, when relationships are strained, when the purposes you saw or the promises spoken over you haven’t crystallized?  I don’t know all the answers.  I can only tell you that my journey through the brokenness has led me deeper into relationship with Jesus, who He really is, and what He wants for my life…and yours.

So, in the spirit of death and renewal, I held a funeral the other day.  Yes, a funeral.  I was watching The Odd Life of Timothy Green, and it, along with the recollection of a friend doing something similar, I took a piece of paper, wrote down what had died on one side, then recorded what had come and what is coming for me on the other side.  I took it to the garden, dug a hole, and buried it.  I said a few words, and let all the bad in the past go and welcomed the new, whatever that may be.  It was grand.

In childhood I spent time in a great church filled with love and people who poured the Word of God into me.  I had a knowledge of who He was.  I had lots of knowledge, but there were still many things broken.  I didn’t know what to do or how to fix me or anything around me.  How would I ever feel whole?  How would I ever feel safe?  How would I succeed in being the right Christian, in gaining acceptance from others?  There is a lot that was in there making me feel insecure, leaving me wondering if I would ever be good enough.  Then one day, I had an encounter with God.  I spoke in new tongues.  I listened to Him.  He led me through the brokenness, the pain, the questions, and gave me that for which I had been looking, that for which I longed: Him…and everything that came with Him – greater feelings of wholeness, knowledge and understanding that everything I needed was paid for at the cross on which He died, that He loves me regardless of what I do or don’t do, that I now have His righteousness because of His death, that He paid for my healing on that cross, my healthy and sound mind, body, soul, and spirit.  Yes, He died for me so that I could be whole, so that I could be comfortable in my own skin, so that I could heal from the inside out and be a vessel to extend that same healing, love, wholeness, and wealth to others.  He died so that I could be free from everything that Satan had stolen, killed, and destroyed.  He lives so that I can live and reign with Him forever and so that I can share that message of reconciliation with the broken, lost, and dying, people just like me.  I have seen and experienced many amazing things, and I promise you that it doesn’t get any better than this.

Things Above

This morning, the Lord and I were speaking.  I have been crying out regarding a particular matter for about seven years.  The ends simply do not meet, and that can be disturbing to say the least.  Still, I don't want to be so introspective that my life becomes about me or my problems.

Colossians was on the brain this morning.  Then, the Lord led me to Colossians 3:2:

"Set your minds on things above."

It was a great reminder that the best way to soar is to look up.  When we focus on our problems, we take our eyes off God.  We take our eyes off the One who is above our circumstances, the very One who can deliver us from them, even if it is only a mind shift.

I once heard someone say that the best way to be depressed is to focus inward.  I can see where this is true.  When I look at problems that seem insurmountable, I can start to worry.  This brings no change or relief to anything going on in my life.  In fact, it often makes things worse.  As I walked with the Lord this morning, I started to repeat Colossians 3:2a over and over in my mind, and then I spoke it out loud.  Aspects of confusion and worry lifted.  My heart lifted as I truly set my mind on Jesus who is sitting at the right hand of the Father advocating for me...and you.  It didn't change my circumstances, but it changed me and brought joy inside.

So I encourage you to set your mind on things above.  Let the Lord lead you to soar above all circumstances, even when all hope is gone.  He is the hope restorer, the Kinsman Redeemer.  He sees us, loves us, and wants what is best for us, even when our circumstances might scream otherwise.  I need to remember that - always.  It is one reason I love to study His Word daily.  His promises, His love for me, who He is - it's all right there in black and white.  And when things seem out of control, black and white is necessary to level me out, help me through, and to remind me that He is good all the time.  May you know in your heart that He is good all the time, too.  And may His love wash over you and fill you with joy, peace, and hope.  My best to you...wherever you may be.

Prayer and Words for Those in Need

Today, I checked the stats on the blog, and a few read the last post, which is exciting.  Then, the Lord asked me to pray for these people in Switzerland, Italy, Germany, and the United States.  So I did...I am.  I pray for peace and joy and love to enter their hearts, minds, souls, spirits, their lives.  I ask, Lord, that they would see more of You and have boldness well up inside them to step out and say yes to You every day.  I pray that their hearts would be so consumed by love for You and Your people that they can't help but say yes in radical ways.  I ask You to fill them with more of You, fill them with joy and abundance, wisdom and grace.  And, Lord, may each of them feel loved by You in a way they never have before.

The Lord is telling me that one of you is really hurting, and He wants you to know that He is there with you.  He wants you to know that He is proud of you and delights in you every day.  Your efforts are not going unnoticed.  He is telling me that you mother many, raising them up, encouraging them.  He delights in how you do this.  He also wants to bring new resources to you and fill you with peace.  He will heal every hurt and wipe away every tear.  He loves you very much.

For another, you are a hard worker, someone who is in need of rest.  The Lord is telling me that He will bring it.  Keep going.  Revelation 3:7-13 is for you:

To the Church in Philadelphia

“To the angel of the church in Philadelphia write:

These are the words of him who is holy and true, who holds the key of David. What he opens no one can shut, and what he shuts no one can open. I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name. I will make those who are of the synagogue of Satan, who claim to be Jews though they are not, but are liars—I will make them come and fall down at your feet and acknowledge that I have loved you. Since you have kept my command to endure patiently, I will also keep you from the hour of trial that is going to come on the whole world to test the inhabitants of the earth.

I am coming soon. Hold on to what you have, so that no one will take your crown. The one who is victorious I will make a pillar in the temple of my God. Never again will they leave it. I will write on them the name of my God and the name of the city of my God, the new Jerusalem, which is coming down out of heaven from my God; and I will also write on them my new name. Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches."

I pray this blesses you and all you touch.

To another, you are frustrated by your work.  God is going to open a door for you, and He is going to keep it open.  Remember that you are highly favored and that God loves you very much.  Also remember that you are special to God.  You are His masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10, NLT):

For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. 

May this also bless you.

And there is one more.  For you, the Lord is showing me that you are tending a garden.  It is alive and green.  The ground is a bit dry, but the Lord is bringing rain to revive the land and to refresh you.  He will give you all you need and give you a great abundance in the harvest.  May this bless and strengthen you today.

The Lord wants to show up in each of our lives in so many ways through prayer, words of encouragement, a hug, an act of kindness...even from a stranger.  Ask the Lord how He wants to use you.  Ask Him to open your heart and spirit to what He has for you and make you aware, giving you wisdom and understanding of the gifts He has given you and wants to release in and through you to a hurting, broken, and dying world.  Life and death is in the tongue.  Won't you step out in obedience to God and speak life to someone today?

Proverbs 18:21

The tongue has the power of life and death,

and those who love it will eat its fruit.

John 6:63b (words of Jesus)

And the very words I have spoken to you are spirit and life.

Pausing...in a way

I love a story told well.  Shakespeare, Dickens, Goethe, Dumas, Robert Louis Stevenson, Peter Mayle, Frances Mayes.  Words and wonder, tumult, trouble, victory, great adventure.  All in the name of writing.  I think a key to good writing is observation.  What do I see?  What do I hear?  What is funny?  What is charming?  What delights me?  There is so much to see in this world and the next.  So many people to encounter, so many stories to observe.  And, if worth the time, those wondrous stories to record for posterity, even if they are only snippets in time, a brief reflection on a delightful moment:

Saturday when my nephew raced boats with his Cub Scout friends.  Afterward they dined that great delicacy of hot dogs, along with apples, celery, carrots, oranges, jello, and worms of gelatin and sugar.  My niece, aged 3, plopped an entire orange section in her mouth.  Quite a feat for her tiny chompers.  I suggested she take smaller bites when she proceeded to assume a staunch position, setting her jaw and pursing her lips:  “Mimi,” she said quite seriously, “if I bite the orange in two, it drips down my chin and on my clothes.”  Hard to argue with her logic, and most definitely humorous.

There is much to observe here.  Green grass.  Fields freshly planted.  Peonies perfuming the air.  Blue buntings, doves, robins, rabbits, and ground squirrels.  All delights for Mom’s rat terrier to chase.  The wind whips through this plain with vigor.  Just as well, for it keeps the bugs moving onward, preventing them from munching on me for their morning snack.  It is a warm day, feels more like spring now.  Many of these May days seemed to have an identity crisis, only getting into the 50s and low 60s.  I had to pull out cozy sweaters, drink hot tea, and turn the furnace on again.  I love the ups and downs and unpredictability of the weather…most of the time.  Then, there are those moments when I would love to look out on the ocean and smell the salty breeze.  Alas, no.  I am here, and that will do for now.

This time has moved slowly in many ways.  My brain has not worked well since the accident, over a year ago.  It has made me pause in a rather busy life.  It has provided a time to be here where it is quieter, and I like that…most days.  I love that I get to spend time with my family, watch my nieces and nephew grow up, delight in the free entertainment they provide on a continual basis.  Pause is good.  And so is stillness.  But I don’t always want to be in pause mode.  I am seeing improvements in the brain, needing fewer supplements to be out in public.  I can concentrate for a longer period of time without headache or eye strain.  All good things.  Still, a few things need to be put in order up there so that I can move and circulate in a hustling and bustling world, write, remember, be able to critical think for more than a short time, be on airplanes, speak to large crowds.  And so I do what I can, and I wait.

Yes, there is great improvement, and I am thankful for that.  Still, it seems there are miles to go.  With feeling somewhat better, my hope is renewed.  I want to work and travel and help people.  I want to speak into people’s lives and do great things.  It is in these moments that I must remember that great things often look small on a world stage.  Sometimes we feel small in a world gone mad.  But we and everything we do is significant because we and everyone we meet are significant.  We each have a purpose, something we are designed to do, something that only each of us can do.  It may seem strange, but it’s true.  You and I have a purpose for which we were built, tasks to accomplish, a message of reconciliation to share.  We are to be salt and light, crashing into darkness, exposing the lies of the enemy.  What a great message to share.  What a great call to have.  It starts with our families, our neighbors, work colleagues, friends.  We each have a sphere of influence, people specifically placed in our lives.  I want to be salt and light to the people around me.  I want people to know how great Jesus is and what He can do and will do today in and through us.  Whether I am here “pausing” or out there in go mode.  What about you?

God is Faithful

“My eyes and my heart will always be there.” (1 Kings 9:3)  The Lord stated this to Solomon when He consecrated the temple, making a promise that is as solid and true today as the moment it was first spoken.  And while the temple no longer stands in Jerusalem, we as His children are His temples.  Therefore, His eyes are on us, and His heart is with us.  He is here.  He is present.  And He is always faithful.

“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5, also Deuteronomy 31:6,8; Joshua 1:5).

Reading the book of Lamentations is a trip into a country song.  It is dark and depressing, leaving one with a serious need for a soul boost afterward.  However, even in the midst of melancholy, destruction and devastation, Jeremiah remembers who God is:

“His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning.  Great is Your faithfulness” (Lamentations 3:22-23).

Great is God’s faithfulness.  What does that look like?  How does it manifest?  What are the tangible expressions of His faithfulness?  

One morning, the Lord asked me:  “Why am I faithful?”  I had no answer, so I asked Him why.  His reply was at first mysterious to me: “Because I am who I am.”  Then, He expounded:  “I am forever.  I am constant.  I the Lord do not change (Malachi 3:6).  I rejoice over you with singing (Zephaniah 3:17).  I renew you.  I sustain you.  I give you good gifts.  I am faithful.”  

Okay then.  At first, I didn't understand why He brought up the subject.  After all, I know who He is, and I have loved Him my whole life.  I know He is faithful.  Now, however, I realize that regardless of what I know I need to be reminded of just how much He loves me and that He never leaves, because sometimes in the midst of trial and torment it may appear that He isn’t there or that He doesn't love me.  So yes, I love that He’s a Dad who takes time to remind me of His consistency and the fact that He thinks I’m awesome to the point of rejoicing over me.  And I love that He lavishes His love on me in so many ways and that He is forever faithful, even when I am not.

When I have these questions, I also go to the Scriptures because God’s promises to me are there in black and white, so even when my emotions may get the better of me, I can stop and hold the evidence of His faithfulness in my hands.  These are a few of the Scriptures that remind me how faithful He is:

“Those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength,” (Isaiah 40:28-31).

“If God is for us who can ever be against us,” (Romans 8:31-32).

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God,” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4, NKJV).

“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?  Neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus,” (Romans 8:35, 38-39, NKJV).

“In my distress I cried to the Lord and He heard me,” 

(Psalm 120:1, NKJV).

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future…I will be found by you…and I will bring you back from captivity,” (Jeremiah 29:11, 14).

These words keep me strong, reminding me who He is and that He is there for me, even when it doesn’t feel like it.  They are my rhetorical reset.  I love that He is constant.  I love that He is forever.  And most of all I love that He’s my Dad, and no matter what I do or don’t do, He’s on my side, and He’s always, always there.