The New Me

Sometimes you have to bury what’s dead in order for the new to come, for new dreams to arise, for a fresh breath to enter the lungs.  We must constantly die to ourselves.  It’s part of the Christian life.  But we must also let the past die a certain death so that we can move on and grab hold of the new, where we find the abundance God promises us. 

So much in my life has died.  So many dreams, so many things that I thought were part of my purpose, part of the plan the Lord had and has for me.  What do you do with what’s left?  What do you do when the traumas recur, when businesses fail, when relationships are strained, when the purposes you saw or the promises spoken over you haven’t crystallized?  I don’t know all the answers.  I can only tell you that my journey through the brokenness has led me deeper into relationship with Jesus, who He really is, and what He wants for my life…and yours.

So, in the spirit of death and renewal, I held a funeral the other day.  Yes, a funeral.  I was watching The Odd Life of Timothy Green, and it, along with the recollection of a friend doing something similar, I took a piece of paper, wrote down what had died on one side, then recorded what had come and what is coming for me on the other side.  I took it to the garden, dug a hole, and buried it.  I said a few words, and let all the bad in the past go and welcomed the new, whatever that may be.  It was grand.

In childhood I spent time in a great church filled with love and people who poured the Word of God into me.  I had a knowledge of who He was.  I had lots of knowledge, but there were still many things broken.  I didn’t know what to do or how to fix me or anything around me.  How would I ever feel whole?  How would I ever feel safe?  How would I succeed in being the right Christian, in gaining acceptance from others?  There is a lot that was in there making me feel insecure, leaving me wondering if I would ever be good enough.  Then one day, I had an encounter with God.  I spoke in new tongues.  I listened to Him.  He led me through the brokenness, the pain, the questions, and gave me that for which I had been looking, that for which I longed: Him…and everything that came with Him – greater feelings of wholeness, knowledge and understanding that everything I needed was paid for at the cross on which He died, that He loves me regardless of what I do or don’t do, that I now have His righteousness because of His death, that He paid for my healing on that cross, my healthy and sound mind, body, soul, and spirit.  Yes, He died for me so that I could be whole, so that I could be comfortable in my own skin, so that I could heal from the inside out and be a vessel to extend that same healing, love, wholeness, and wealth to others.  He died so that I could be free from everything that Satan had stolen, killed, and destroyed.  He lives so that I can live and reign with Him forever and so that I can share that message of reconciliation with the broken, lost, and dying, people just like me.  I have seen and experienced many amazing things, and I promise you that it doesn’t get any better than this.