I Matter to God

This makes me extremely sad—that I would think I do not matter to God after all He has done and continues to do for me.  How could I be so selfish and ungrateful?  How could I belittle His existence to increase my own worth—or perhaps it is the position I hold in my eyes that is the problem.

I know that life isn’t about me.  I know that God can carry out His plan without my participation.  But that’s just it:  I want to play a part.  I want to contribute a verse.  I’d like to contribute a chapter if He’ll let me.

Does anyone feel else feel the way I feel?  Or is it worse than that?  Does everyone feel this way?  Does everyone struggle with where they fit and how?  What is this life that the God of the universe should think of me?  Yet, He does.  Jeremiah 31:3 tells us that “He loves us with an everlasting love.”  That means something to me.  It means that He always considers me and always did from the moment of creation.

Think of it.  He considers me, which means He considers you.  Whether you are in the depths of the deepest bondage known to man or soaring like an eagle in the freedom only God can provide, He considers you.  You matter.  I matter.  He has a purpose and a plan for us (Jeremiah 29:11).  He hears us when we cry out to Him.  He hears us when we ache in utter silence.  He hears us.  And He intercedes on our behalf.  He wars for us.  He carries us.  He feeds and clothes us.  He gives us everything we need exactly when we need it, even if it isn’t exactly what we want.  He cares about everything—EVERYTHING.  Did I say everything?  I mean EVERYTHING!  He cares about what books we read, the clothes we wear, the foods we eat, the television we watch, the conversations we have, the people we marry, our childrearing techniques.  Friends, sporting events, parties, pastimes, future times, current times.  Are we present?  Are we in the moment?  Do we allow Him into those moments, those memories or opportunities?  Do we stop to listen to what He has to say?  He’s there.  He cares.  He wants to know us in the most intimate way.  He wants to interact with us as the Lover of our souls.  He wants to be our Deliverer, Comforter, Healer and Friend.  He wants to be our Everything.

Oswald Chambers said that “No love of the natural heart is safe unless the human heart is satisfied by God first.”  When we let Him into our hearts, He performs miracles.  As we let Him into the deepest recesses, He heals us.  He gives us a new heart, replacing our selfishness, bitterness, anger, hatred, rage, heartlessness, and pride with His Love.  And with His love comes His mercy and grace.  Then, there is hope and a deeper understanding (hopefully) that we are the object of His affection.  We are His greatest love, and He is ours whether we know it or not.

We have deep desires to be loved in complete and unconditional ways.  Only One can provide it as we need it, and that is Christ.  He placed in our hearts a yearning for eternity.  He created us to want Him, to need Him, and to never live apart from Him.  Yet in this fallen world that is exactly what we do (some “effectively,” some not so effectively).

We try to live life our way, at the helm, in control.  But our Maker did not design us to live like this.  He did not design us to be in the driver’s seat.  He designed us to participate in the plans He has for us that He might give us a life more abundant.

Even when we don’t want to live this way, it is fairly easy to get tired of waiting on God and jerk back the reins, only to our detriment.  How often does that happen?  For me personally, I have lost count.

Some of my deepest regrets are when I have rushed in without His permission.  The others are when I have stood in fear and insecurity and disobeyed His command to go.  Neither is amenable to what I, in my heart of hearts, want to do and that is follow Him in complete obedience.  His will, not mine.  At least that’s what I want to want.

The Lord has led me down a path of forgiveness and healing during the last four years that has catapulted me into a life of doing His will.  I don’t always get it right, and I admit that sometimes the last thing I want to do is converse with Him about one subject or another.  Sometimes I am tired of praying and want to just do it—whatever “it” is.  And then, after my departure and to my chagrin sometimes tantrum, He pulls me close to Him in His gentle, affirming way and I ask Him to help me try again.

The thing is I need Him—desperately.  I love my life—most of the time.  He has given me some really rewarding work to do.  I am thrilled He gives me the grace to do it.  But do you ever have a bad day?  I do.  And sometimes I don’t feel the grace I need to be effective for Him.  Sometimes I let it get the better of me—when I am tired or frustrated, otherwise known as easy prey for the enemy.  This does not give me an excuse to live in that lack of grace.  Instead, it is a call to His throne where I can rush before Him boldly in all confidence that He will hear me, and humbly in complete reverence  to Him, asking for the things I need: His strength, courage, grace, mercy, love, even a smile.  I can ask Him to fill me to overflowing with all that He is so that I am adequate and able to do all He calls me to do.  Most especially loving Him and those He places in my path.

Only when I remember that it is not about me and all about Him, only when I remember that He is the only One who can fill me, am I suddenly able to let go of all that weighs me down and be His representative where I am not concerned about getting the glory—instead where I am unabashedly able to give everything over to Him and shout from the rooftops “to God be the glory great things He hath done.”